i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
Randomize
