Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
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