she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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