no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
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