It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
