The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
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He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
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Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz