Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
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