lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
it's too hot outside to masturbate.
i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
21 Horribly Evil Pranks To Play On Your Drunk Friends
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
29 Times Beach Sex Ended With Sand In All The Wrong Places
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave