Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.