you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
Is Oprah even human
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?