You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?