Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well