I seem to have left my pride at pride
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
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