His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
25 People Confess The Biggest Betrayal They Have Ever Faced
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
So squirting runs in the family.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
25 Odd Things These Pathetic People Do For Enjoyment
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list