Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
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