If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
Randomize
