i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
I said "one day" and that day is not today
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
Randomize
