Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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