U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
