It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
