I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
Randomize
