it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Randomize
