ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
Randomize
