thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
Randomize
