i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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