I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
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