Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
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