Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
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