Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Randomize
