you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
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