Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
