Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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