So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
Also, beer. Big fan.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
Randomize
