i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
