I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
Randomize
