I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
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