I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
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If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
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