Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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