I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
Randomize
