I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
Randomize
