Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
Randomize
