she was so not down for the gang bang
dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
he told me I talked like a deaf person
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
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