But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
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