wanna go halves on a baby?
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
Go christen that room with your naked body.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
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