all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
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