i need an iv and a liver transplant
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
Randomize
