Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
Randomize
