At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
