turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
Randomize
