How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
two words...techno handjob
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
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