We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
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It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
We talked him into tasing himself.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
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After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
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