i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
Randomize
