Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
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