hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
Randomize
