Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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