she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
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