idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
Randomize
