Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
Randomize
