shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
