When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
Randomize
