It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Randomize
