So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
Randomize
