Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
Randomize
