areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
Randomize
