guys are only as good as the porn they watch
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Randomize
