if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
one might say we're banned from that church
I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
Randomize
