He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
as a side note pls kill me
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Randomize
