I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
I miss vodka workout Fridays
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
Randomize
