A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
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