i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
Randomize
