Jerry, you need to find god
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
