Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
no you cant smoke seaweed
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
