It's like God shit irony all over that family
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
Randomize
