i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
She bit a glass in half.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
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