I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Randomize
