Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Randomize
