sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
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