so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
