my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
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