Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
